Stress...

So tonight during Broadway revue final dress rehearsal something hit me. I'm not sure what it was but it sucked. all of a sudden I felt really emotionally drained and upset. I started thinking about everything I could possibly think of that would get me upset. I hid it just fine and if people asked if I was okay my answer was "yeah, I'm just thinking, sorry". I was really weird. I all of a sudden felt like tears were going to pour out of my face. So now all I'm trying to figure out is why I feel like crap. I have a stress head ache and my eyes hurt from being tired. Broadway revue has been a bit stressful but not so bad that I should be feeling like this now. I realized that next year is my senior year and Broadway revue has been a great project for my portfolio. I have no one to take pictures of the show tomorrow night unfortunately. This freaks me out. I am behind on school work and ever since my math teacher, Mrs. Golcynski, told me I was disappointing I cant bare to do her work and make her happy. that's my mentality. i cant help it. when someone nags me or tells me something hurtful I don't want to do anything they want me to. Every time a show comes I think about my dad. I know I have talked about this problem before on some type of blog...anyways, It just makes me think about everything he has missed and all the opportunities I have not been able to have with him. It just makes me realize I have more "wah wah" moments in my life than hairs on my head. =\ I think this is just a collection of things that is causing me all this crap. I have gotten head aches I think twice a day for the last week. I just need a break, and a good night sleep. I need the sun to get it's ass out of behind the clouds and to shine on me. I need chocolate and I just need someone who I trust and can confide in with anything. I don't trust many people and honestly I think there's like maybe 2 or 3 people in the world I would tell my feelings to. If I would just stop shutting people out maybe I would feel better...or maybe I wouldn't. Who knows? Obviously I don't. I can't even keep my thoughts straight. So on that note...

~Stevie~

p.s. I think I might start posting some of my poetry from like freshman year because I feel like I need to do something with it even though I think it's horible writing.