Digging Myself Into A Hole...

Today I am in that mood where you are thinking so much that it causes you to be anti-social. I have been thinking a mile a minute and I don't even know what about. It's just about EVERYTHING. It's really annoying actually. I'm in the mood for deep conversation or analyzing quotes because I need some wise words to think about. I looked at quotes a couple days ago and there are some that just stick out to me. Of course, they are about life and people. I think I have a slight problem with over thinking. I analyze anything and everything and I love to see how people act. I like to figure things out about people and they just fascinate me. I don't mean in a creepy way though. I just mean that they are interesting subjects...I like looking for the good in people and it makes me sad when they have qualities that people frown upon. It makes me sad and it makes me be ashamed to be a part of the human race...its just disappointing.

Anyways, here are some of the quotes I read:

1) "There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who wont anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people fr0m your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it into your future." - Anonymous

2) "When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place." -Anonymous

3) "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyways" -John Wayne

4) "The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience." -Eleanor Roosevelt

5) "The only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs." -Anonymous

6) "Confidence is the ability to feel beautiful without needing someone to tell you first but smiling when someone does." -Anonymous

7) "Love can be magic, but sometimes magic can just be an illusion." -Anonymous

8) "The easiest thing in the world is to be you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don't let them put you in that position." -Leo Buscaglia

9) "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. " -Maya Angelou.

10) "Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them." -Marcus Aurelius

All these make me think so much about things I want in life and what I can accomplish. They make me think of mistakes I've made and small things I've gotten upset over. I love to be positive and say everything is going to be okay, but it's so hard to see a future that is so far away and I want so much out of my life. Society doesn't allow you to "Live each day as if it's your last". I want out of what I'm dealing with now. THIS is not the life I have dreamed of living. I hate how society puts dreams on hold. I can't be at this house anymore being held back. That's not who I am.

Also, I have also come to the conclusion with the whole mother situation. And that is that I have NO idea what I'm going to do about it. I also have some weird stress thing going on. Whenever she comes near me I feel really tense (more than usual) and my neck hurts and when she kisses me I feel strange. Like my neck hurts worse and when she kissed me before she went to bed I had to stretch my neck out and it actually hurt. It's hard to explain. I feel like I'm almost feeling stinging from her touching me. I just get really uncomfortable. Her being around me makes me think about everything that has ever happened between me and her. It makes me think of her face when she threatens me or how she used to look at me before she used to hit me. I started crying. My emotions and mental stability are all fucked up and it scares me. This is unhealthy.

~Stevie~