Gone Fishin'

So, the closer summer comes the more bummed I get about not being able to go down to the country. I want nothing more to be down on my dad's land right now. I want to see the clear skies full of stars and the grass the so green it's almost sickening. I want to swim in the river and do back flips out of trees. I want to fucking go skinny dipping in the river before it has been sold. I want to ride my fourwheeler around everywhere until I can't feel my butt anymore and my thumb is numb. I want to be so gross and sweaty from the day and not even care at night. I want to barbeque and make s'mores. I want to sleep in the trailor I always have and wake up to the birds chirping like I love. One weekend soon I am going to go down there. It's a two hour drive that I have no problem doing and I wish I could do it right now. I don't know who the hell would come with me or who would even be allowed to but I don't care. At this point in time I am willing to go alone. I ache for my old childhood summers. It hurts me so much to know that soon it will be impossible for them even to happen. Mother is selling the land. She is selling my childhood. She is selling the place where I put my dads ashes. They floated down the river and rolled across the land in the wind. That will no longer exist to me except in my memories. I feel like my memories are a tourturing device and they are being used against me. All I wish I could do is run away from my thoughts and feelings. I want these emotions to stop changing and I want to not have to guess what's going to happen each day with my life.
My mind is made up. I'm leaving within the next two weeks. Probably after school on the last day. It's a half day and mother even told me I could go.

It just hurts too much to stay and not know what is going on down there without me.

~Stevie~