Written 3/28/09

So as my life continues to change so do I. Obviously, this is a natural occurrence. You know? Someone changing according to their surroundings? I act like this is such a surprise. But honestly, change is a weird thing to me-- as well as time. There are 24 hours in a day and 365 days in a year and 525600 in one year-- with no consideration to day light savings. If you think about it, the time you have on earth is very minimal. So why not make the best of it? The makes change so much less scary. If you realize that this change you are going through really doesn't last as long as it seems to. I don't know if this even makes sense. I guess what I can get out of this rant, is that change and time are a gift. Every day that you wake up I should be praising God for the new day I have woken up to regardless of how much I enjoy the things each day brings. This concept seems so easy when you think about it, but then when you get to the "practice of your preaching" it seems like the hardest thing in the world. That is so unfortunate to me that this is how I feel about it. God has brought me so much and it has taken me until now to realize it. I have been so wrapped up in my fathers death and how my mother doesn't care about me and that she has a boyfriend and stopped talking to my sister that I have missed out on what is important. That fact that God blesses me with time, change, opportunity, and tomorrow is truly something that is beyond this world.In fact, God has given me something that many people I know would be very thankful for: I am 17 years old and a Junior at my high school. I am very interested in theater and would love to live my life in the world of theater. I have been building a portfolio and resume for quite some time now and I have shown it to people. I originally made it to show to Stages St. Louis--a professional theater company in St.Louis. I expected to be turned down just because the internships are paid and they are made to give to college students. So I went into it doing my best and hoping something might happen. But if it didn't I would understand. My teacher wrote me recommendation letters and everything so I thought I might have a chance. So get this: I'm in the car two days ago driving with one of my friends when my phone rings. Joe Novack, the production manager from Stages, called me. He said that I'm going to start my internship on June 15th and it goes until August 30th. I will be working 8am to 4pm every day during the week and all weeks except one that I will be out of town and maybe towards the end depending on when school starts. It is a construction and painting internship and I get paid $100.00 a week. I will be working on sets for all of the shows this season: (in order) Little Shop of Horrors, The Drowsy Chaperon, and Guys and Dolls. I am also working at the Opera Theater of St.Louis ushering for their shows. It only lasts a month but last year I made a good amount of money. Today, I went to visit Illinois Wesleyan. It was an awesome university. It looks like exactly what I'm looking for. It is small and it has an awesome theater school. I just cant believe that in one week so much can happen. I feel like I have gotten a lot accomplished and there is more to come. I feel the motivation to work really hard and improve things about my life I didn't like. I feel like this week, my spring break, I have lived life to the fullest. When you live life to the fullest and work hard and play hard amazing things can happen. I have no doubt that Gad has some amazing things in store for me in the future and I am fully prepared to thank God everyday for ALL he has given me.Now looking at all of this I realize that all of this is nothing that I deserve. It is something that is really a gift. I am a sinner and a human being that is very blessed to have some things that I have. It also makes me think about people having a harder time than I am right now. My best friend has been having some family problems and it's been really hard on her. All I think about is how I can make things better for her when I know the only person that can really make her better is God. I wish that I could just take away everything that is hard on her and give her what I have. I want her to be happy again. I want her to be able to live her life to the fullest without big weights on her shoulders. She takes care of her siblings and gets left alone and really all she needs sometimes is a hug from a parent who loves her. I just want to take her away and rescue her. But that's when I realize that things happen for a reason and she will grow stronger as time goes on. She will be put on trials and she will over come them and I will pray for her and be there for her if she needs someone. I just feel so bad for being so happy while she is so sad sometimes. She says she is so proud of me and all I want to tell her is how much I admire her strength in this situation. I love her dearly and I pray that things start looking up.This blog has turned more into something of a rant, but I guess that's what I needed. I think I'm just fed up with people and circumstances and how everyday is taken for granted. So right now I would like to thank God for all he has given me. I want to start thanking him more often and live each day to the fullest because after all, that day is a gift and you never know when your last day will be.

~Stevie~