Sum- Sum- Sum- Summer!

So this summer has been interesting so far to say the least...Let me do a short recap since I have failed to keep up with this thing...

1: Work
I am working two jobs at this moment. I am working at The Opera Theater of St. Louis and Stages St. Louis. Two very well known theater companies. I am very excited to be back at OTSL just because I love that job so much and I feel like I have been waiting for it all year. I have some good friends there and I just love working as an usher there because I feel like I'm good at working with people-- I actually hate people less now and I'm hoping this feeling continues. At OTSL I just feel like I belong lol I know that sounds dorky but it's true. I love my managers and the job itself so how much more can I ask for? Second, I work at Stages. It's been rough there to say the least and I feel awful saying that considering I was so fucking excited for the paid internship. Now I just feel like I'm doing it for the money and that kind of sucks because I want to get more out of it than that. I just started there last week though so hopefully things will pick up some. I do feel like I've learned a bit so at least I am getting something out of the whole thing. The people are nice but all a lot older than me--thankfully one of the guys in ungodly attractive. This week I will be painting more, so that is already an up-lifter. If I could paint all day everyday while I'm there and learn new techniques I would be satisfied. I just hope that they like me still after I called off one day with family issues. (I had a anxiety attack the night before because of Fathers Day and my mother so I couldn't function--I went to Danielle's to swim and chill all day before OTSL) Oh well, I'm sure it's cool.

2: Fathers Day
I am happy to report to you that this Fathers Day was much more bearable than last year. Even though it was only my second Fathers Day without my dad I feel like this year was so much easier than I thought it was going to be. I thought it was going to be really horrible but it ended up okay because I had spent the night at Danielle's house the night before and went home around 2ish that day and then had to go to work and my mother slept at Mike's house that night so I was left alone. Plus I had friends just saying they thought of me and it was nice to know. It was just an out-of-it day you know?

3: Fun
So summer has only been going on for almost a month now I feel like I have done so much. Besides working I have gone to many places and done many things and hung out with many people. I have gone to art hill more than once and I have gone to the Zoo. I have gone out to eat numerous times and I have accepted that fact that I have a dress and Arizona Green Tea addiction. I have bought so many dresses and I buy tea more than once a day and I am going to keep on buying more. I just love them so much and I have to continue this! If my money isn't going to a new dress I have realized it is going to food, entertainment, or alcohol. This summer I noticed more how much I really don't like people my age or people that go to my school or people younger than me. Don't take that the wrong way because of course there are exceptions. I just really like people older than me because I take so much more out of people when they have had more time to go through things or have some experiences that I haven't. People my age or younger are (a lot of the time caught up in drama or stuck between road blocks called parents or school work) I have been hanging around people from work mostly. I met Danielle last year at OTSL and this year I met Zez and Emily and Alex. I have hung out with Chris a bit too although he went to WGHS at the same time as me for a year. I hang out with Abigail all the time and I have seen Skye and Anna a couple times. I have yet to see Catherine, Cameron (Stelling), Joanna, Julianne, Maddie, Scott, or some other people yet. I have hung out with others (from work) but those were not very great experiences so I try to block them out. I have spent nights partying with these people because they are all 20 and they think I am mature for my age and they like to hang out with me. A couple nights this past week we (Danielle, Zez, Abby, and a couple of Danielle's friends) went to Eden Seminary and we smoked hookah and drank vodka, whiskey, and wine. It's been a lot of fun because sometimes it's just casually having a drink and sometimes we get drunk. I have gone to City Diner recently and I have gone to the mall and a couple graduation parties and a waterfall in forest park some. I just don't know what's going to happen when I go back to school because I really don't hang out with that many people who go to my school and next year is going to be weird going and not having talked to anyone for a summer. I just feel like I'm passed all the high school drama and the immature people. It gets old really fast. Thankfully Danielle has assured me that I will be spending a lot of time on Webster University Campus this year with her and I'll see Waffa when she's in town and not in Kirksville. Maybe I'll see Scott at some point too since he is going to Webster University as well. Who knows? I'm just contemplating how next year is going to go and trying to avoid thinking about it. As for now, I am just going to enjoy this summer and take whatever comes with it. :)

4: Mother
She needs some medication hard core. I would love to take her to a psych ward and get it over with. Her and her boyfriend (I'm not sure if they are actually dating right now) are always off and on and it's so confusing because sometimes she'll talk about marrying him to my brother and sometimes she will tell me she hates him and that she told him not to call anymore. It's fucking weird and extremely irritating and upsetting. I just want to know what's going on. My mother also has no job at this point in time because she lost it due to the economy she said. I am working two and of course mine don't have health benefits. She told me to get a third one even though she doesn't have one and I'm pretty sure until a couple of days ago she didn't even start looking (she lost her job almost a month ago now). I can't even make a dentist or doctors appointment now because she doesn't have insurance after the 30th. Then she sold the trailer we have to haul ATVs and the travel trailer you can live in we were going to take to the land. She also sold a welder the same day as the ATVs. She says she is broke and has no money after she sold all of those and she also went shopping before she sold those. I know we're not broke--she is just insane and she owes my brother money and that is her excuse to not give it to him even though he works 70 hours a week an still struggles. She's just so conceited and it makes me livid when I think about her. Yesterday she called my brother about buying a car with the 16 grand she just had lying around. Really? She just had 16 GRAND lying around to just spend even though we NEED things and my brother needs his money? BULL SHIT SON! That is not even just a bitchy move, that is just horrible and upsetting because she told me flat out she was getting me a car that my brother owns now because the car I use wont last me through college or maybe not even TO college. I tried to talk to her about how I am concerned about college and I didn't raise my voice at all. I just talked really calm and she SCREAMED. She yelled "You know, you're not too big to slap!". This just saddens me because this is actually the person who birthed me. I am related to someone who wont listen to ANYONE or treat people with respect. The only person she cares about is Mike. My brother hung up on her today when she just said "Hi, Michael" when he answered the phone. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am just FED UP to the extreme and my bullshit bin is full. I'm over it. On top of this her birthday is tomorrow. Fuck that shit, she gets a card and I'm going to work.

So this has been my summer so far. I am thinking' at this moment that it's going to be a good one and I can't wait to see what all is in store for me. I want to learn things and experience new things and just live by my summer model. This summer I am living by the phrase "Carpe Diem". It's Latin for "Seize the Day"! I have it set on the front of my phone so when ever the front of my phone lights up it's there to remind me. I am determined to live by this as much as possible because I am not okay with letting anything hold me back anymore. I don't care what it is, I am prepared to have the best summer and year I can possibly have because no matter what happens I am going to have a good last year at home. I am over letting my mother and school and stress take hold of me! I just want to go with the flow. I'll try to keep up with this as well so I can avoid writing another novel--I just had so much to say!

~Stevie~