Strange stuff I tell ya.

Tonight I read my bible for the first time in a long while. As soon as I read those powerful words and realized how long it has been since I have read them I started to cry. I realized that I have started to get away from my faith and I am not okay with that. I want to have the same high for Christ as I have in the past. I haven't been genuinely happy in too long and I really think this is why. God is my foundation and support and I think I have forgotten that. I need to go to camp or find someone who gets excited about God like I do. I know that sounds dumb to some people but I really don't care because with God I can be happy. Last summer I read everyday for at least a half of an hour and I want to do that again. Lately I have been feeling like I have nothing and no one and I didn't even realize that the reason I felt that way is because I had a hole in me that I wasn't filling. I have also realized that some of the things I have been doing this year have not been glorifying to God and that makes me sad. I hope someone understands what I am saying...I have gotten so much from God and I have the testimony to prove it. I just have not been living what I believe. THAT has to end. I want to live for Christ and live everyday to the fullest (cliche, I know) because who knows what day will be your last. It's summer and that is the perfect oportunity to spend time with myself to point out everything I need to change. Maybe the reason that I'm not really happy is because I am dealing with everything that God will deal with with me alone. I think I need to start depending on God more because I know I can trust Him more than I can trust myself. I think I just wrote random thoughts in my head and I'm pretty sure some of this doesn't make sense to anyone but myself.