Next to Normal

I am sitting here and I know exactly what I want to say but I don't know how to say it. I guess we'll just see what happens...

Tonight I got into a really deep conversation with my cousin. It all started with talking about how annoying our family is oddly enough. We talked about how different people are. I know that sounds so broad and simple, but it really was just us ripping apart the depth of people as much as we could with the time we had. In conclusion: there is nothing black and white about people.

It's always people saying "live for others", "live for yourself", "think about other people's problems", and "just think about you right now". In all reality all of those statements have a purpose and at some point they are correct. Everyone has problems and every one's problems are important regardless of how small. I know that sounds simple but in actuality it's harder to accept than you think. What's the first thing you see a rich girl mad about not getting her Prada shoes for the month. You think "well that girl shouldn't be so upset--it's JUST a pair of shoes. But now if you look at it, that might really be the biggest problem for that girl. As much as you think she is stupid you have to respect the fact that she does have an issue and she's upset. It's a different degree of a problem depending on the person. That might be a bad example but I'm hoping I got the point across.
Some people in this world are more naive than others and some people in this world lack substance. Those people-- I'm not going to lie-- I have a harder time being around. Not because they are not fun or I don't enjoy being with them, but because it's hard for me to get something out of them. I don't want that to sound horrible, I just don't know any other way to say it right now. Everyone has an opinion and it's hard to be around people who can't convey their opinion and they also sound uneducated. Opinions are really really powerful parts of everyday life. The whole world is completely judgemental in one way or another rather it be towards men, women, blacks, whites, gays, etc. If you think about it, when you read this you are making a judgement. There are a thousand million different opinions in this world about everything and about that many ways to share it. There are also, in my opinion, good ways to share it and not so good ways to share it. The point is that everyone deserves to be heard. It doesn't matter who you are--obviously at this point in my life I am kind of frustrated with the adults who don't take teenagers seriously because of their age. I think that many younger people have just as good educated opinions as adults, but maybe that's just me. It's totally fine for people to agree to disagree but everyone deserves to be heard. Tonight I noticed a lot of the feminist come out of me--it's been happening more and more since that trip to Wisconsin.
I am a people watcher. I love to just observe people and think about why people are the way they are and why they do the things they do. I think it is so interesting. I think all of this I've written is just things that have been talked about before. Right now I just feel so strongly about them. People always catch my attention. There are different ways of dealing with different kinds of people and there are ways to be a certain kind of person. Introspective is a completely amazing thing once you can do it. Introspective is an examination of ones own thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. Basically, it means you sit back and look at what you are doing and why you are doing it. It makes you who you are and helps you to see things from other peoples point of view. This is something I wish I was better at. I am working on it for sure but there are just some things that make me pop and not care about other people. Some people that say I am just like my mom or say something bad about my dad is one of them. Those are just things I am so emotionally attached to it doesn't matter who you are--there is a good chance I will be upset about it if things are not conveyed the right way. I am just the kind of person who gets emotionally attached to things really easily and so that is just a really touchy subject. Those are things I think about EVERYDAY. Those are things that you can't avoid and they are ALWAYS in the back of your head. It's the weirdest thing and it is very true. So when people say things about it I wont forget how it makes me feel. I love the quote by Maya Angelo that says people will not remember what you said or did. But they will always remember how you made them feel. That's why with people it is such a grey area. There is so much involved in one person that no one will know them completely. There is always that one secret that a person will not tell ANYONE. Because they just choose not to or they can't trust anyone with it. There are so many layers.
Let's just set this straight: I could go on and on for hours.
I will just leave you with this.